Why then did I stray away from God's divine optimism, what happened to change me into a pessimist?
Well for all you inquisitive readers it all started when I was wee boy. During those formative years, the years when hide and seek was a lot of fun, days gone by when we used 'picky picky ponkey' to choose the one to go first. When being the best hider garnered you incomprehensible fame throughout the estate and school. Guys would refuse to include you in their game, since the outcome was more than set in stone and thus making the game lose its utamu(flavor). Back then, days were governed by 'FADS'. For you the playstation generation or indeed those of you who have just experienced one President yaani Baba Jimmy or Ubako, a Fad according to the dictionary is an intense and widely shared enthusiasm for something, especially one that is short-lived; a craze.Well back then, we said 'in season' i.e that awesome thing that would occupy most of our time during the weekends and holidays. It could be 'vehicles' made from wires, slings (FEYAA), football or cattie.
Like it did every year, a bicycle fad rode on by and everyone was bicycle crazy, morning, noon and night we would be riding round the block. I know you wondering where this is going, well here it is...I was not lucky to own a bicycle and thus when the bicycle fad decided to roll on by, I would beg my mother for one.
Me: mother can I get a bicycle?
Mother: Do I look like I mint money in the backyard?I never got that bike. But life goes on, granted,owning a bicycle did not deter me from having loads of fun but the pessimism bug had bit me, the seed had been planted. Well, there were many other incidences but this one really did stand out for me.
So, I grew up and went to high school where I was thrust into the world of GIRLS. Being in a boys boarding high school the pressure was intense. If you did not woo at least one lady in the presence of your peers or hear your name called out to receive a letter sent to you by one lady, you would be touted a 'Breezer' a moniker that would last for such a long time, you would become the SI unit. The level with which every other person would gauge their success when it comes to wooing these descendants of Eve. So whats the point of all this, you may ask? I like every other sane Kenyan man knows that these beautiful ladies are not cheap. They are bloody expensive, literally...you have to bleed to make them happy. So I would devise ways in which to ask for money from my mother that is devise a well crafted lie to get money to take a lady out or buy her something that would etch my name in her heart.
Me: mother, the school asked us to buy a certain book that costs Kshs.2000, lest we will be sent home.
Mother: I too want that Kshs.2000, do you have it?From this you might think that my mother is a monster. That is very far from the truth, my sweet mother is a loving and caring woman whom I love to death. But my mother comes from that region in Kenyan where they breed Iron Ladies, Nyeri County, so you got to understand where this tough love came from. I understand that her tough love was to teach me that life is a bitch and am proud of her for that but it did turn me into a pessimist.You may think that am blaming my mother for turning me into a pessimist, am not I just using her as an example because she has influenced my life in the grandest of ways.
When I was in class 2, the class teacher asked me to bring her two canes when I came to school the following day. I was very happy and proud of my wee self knowing that of the 40 pupils in class she had chosen me to do this noblest of tasks. My friends tried to advise me not to do it as I would be the first to test them, but my pride told me they were jealous. So I did bring the canes to her the following day, presenting them to her as a Knight would present the head of a slain enemy King to his King.Lest did I know that my so called 'jealous' friends would be right. I do not understand by what twisted fate she would decide to test the canes on her Knight. She asked me to face the blackboard and she meted out the punishment. That by far was the most painful caning I have ever experienced because not only was the pain physical but my heart was broken, why after doing this noble task would she cane me first. There was also the embarrassment and humiliation that accompanied ignoring my friends' advice and terming them as jealous. That incident did perpetuate my pessimism as I did not expect to be the first to taste the canes sting.
Please do not misunderstand me, I do not sit around cursing at the world at how things are bad. No, I embrace the negativity because, frankly, I love myself too much. I do not like the feeling of disappointment so I prefer to expect the worst out of a situation so that when the good or positive happens am able to appreciate it more. Some of you might think this is stupid but, am a pessimist I kinda expect that.
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